10 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Kow - Post #7

I really like the concept for week 7.  Celebrate for who the child is and what he/she does. Try to create 20 celebrations for each criticism.  Celebrate the child for what he/she does right.  Some days that may mean you will need to really look for those things and even celebrate the small stuff.  The celebrations might include high fives, knuckle bumps, hugs, or affirming touches that matures affection, adult to child.  You may even make a celebration day that includes going to get ice cream because “You are such an amazing kid.”

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know at the end of this series (January 2010).

Delivering Hope

Hi again,

Please take a moment to check out Delivering Hope's blog.  You will find their logo, which is a link to their blog, on the right hand side of your screen.  Delivering Hope Inc. is a nonprofit organization started by 2 FTIA adoptive families, Jaime & Drew Willison-Glandon and William and Gretchen Almquist. 

We think you will be excited to see what they are doing and how you can help!
Salome

Ethiopia Update

Greetings FTIA Ethiopia Families,

First, I'd like to apologize for my lack of communication this week.  It has been a hectic week and it has been hard to find a spare moment. 

We continue to have 6 children in process with 5 families.  We have three families that will be appearing in court in Addis Abbaba in the next few weeks.  We are anxious to hear about their experiences.  For those of you who are planning a trip, I would like to have a travel conference call on Tuesday, November 23rd at 7 pm Central Time.  If you have already traveled to Ethiopia and would like to join the call, we would love to have you!

We also have our regularly scheduled conference call on Monday, Nov. 22nd at 7 pm Central Time.  You will use the following instructions for both calls.

Dial 1-800-944-8766 and, when prompted, enter code 39085.

If you have not joined the Monday call, we hope you will consider calling in this Monday.  It has been a great opportunity to ask questions and learn from the experiences of other adoptive families. 

FTIA's offices are closed Weds through Friday of next week so there will not likely be any blog or yahoo posts, unless there is something to report from on conference call on Monday evening.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Salome LaMarche

Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know - Week # 6

On week #6 - we focus on Developing rituals that organize meaning for the child:

1.      Greet your child into the day.  For example, when waking your child in the morning you might say “I can’t wait to see your beautiful brown eyes open!”

2.      Spend time in their world of play.  As mentioned in previous weeks, it is important to spend at least 30 minutes each day playing with your child.

3.      Create calming, soothing rituals that relax them into sleep. Depending on your child’s age, this might mean reading a book, giving a lotion massage, talking about the day’s events, snuggling while listening to music.  Whatever the routine, it should be consistent and calming.

This concept is giving attention to the child on the parent’s terms…greeting the child into the day, narrowing the child’s world to what they can handle, developing rituals of experience that help the child anticipate parents, and learn to perceive themselves through parent perceptions.

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know at the end of this series (December 2010).

Ten Things Adoptive Parents Should Know: Week 5

The concept for week five is to allow your child to experience consequences. This means consequences not punishments….consequences that are congruent with the child’s actions.  Help your child face the results of the actions (cause and effect thinking), all the while maintaining a loving acceptance of the child.  Come along side of your child with perspective and use it as a teachable moment.  For example, if your child forgets his home work at school, you might retrieve it the first time and explain what might have happened if the home work wasn’t retrieved.  This gives the child a chance to think about the consequences.  If the child forgets the homework a second time, perhaps you don’t retrieve the homework from school and have her/him face the consequences for the action. “Cause and effect” thinking is a great concept to teach children at an early age – as it is something we use all day, every day.

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know at the end of this series (December 2010).

 

Notes From Our Conference Call

The Ethiopia conference call last night was productive and therapeutic, as usual.  We are having some great discussions and getting lots of questions answered.  I will share below some topics that we discussed on last nights call. 

After a referral is received and accepted you should receive updated assessments on your child every 4-6 weeks.  As a result of the call, I have put together a sample report that will be posted to MyFTIA under Country Specific Critical Information.  It should be up and ready by the end of the week.  I know you are all curious to see what the information will look like.

Also discussed were donations for the orphanage.  Although many of you have many great ideas, I went back to my notes and emails to see what has been specifically requested by the orphanage.  At this time, they are asking for clothing, shoes and educational materials.  If you take items such as these that are basic needs for any child, you really can't go wrong.

We'll also be sharing more very soon about an option to obtain a video that contains details about your child's family and the circumstances surrounding the adoption.  This video would not be available until after you finalize the adoption but will be a great source of information for your child one day.  We hope to incorporate this into our program very soon but have a few details to work out first.  We'll be in touch with more details soon.

Since it seems that many of you are unable to participate on Monday evenings, I am considering hosting a second conference call every two weeks during the day.  If you think that a daytime call would be more convenient for you and that you would like to participate, please let me know and I will schedule a day time conference call.

Have a great day!

Salome LaMarche
Director of Programs

A couple of reminders...

Hi Everyone,

Don't forget our bi-weekly conference call on Monday, November 8th at 7pm.  You can join the call by dialing 1-800-944-8766 and entering the code 39085 when prompted.

As you share information regarding the specific cases with one another, remember that you should not be sharing the information publicly or posting identifying information regarding any one's process.  Ethiopia is very strict about information that is shared on the Internet.  Although the yahoo group is a private group, the information could potentially be shared outside of the group and would then be a breech of privacy.

We appreciate your discretion as we support each other through this process.

I hope to talk with you on Monday!

Salome

Ten Things Adoptive Parents Should Know: Week 4

It is important to Keep perspective beyond the child’s difficult moments -  Perceiving the mind of the child within and beyond the child’s behavior.  Only give a 30 to 60 second lecture (we generally lose their attention after that)…..addressing unacceptable behavior, stopping it, and providing acceptance beyond correction.  This sounds so simple, but can be very difficult to follow through with.  It may take some practice. 

Sometimes, it is best for Mom or Dad to take time and think before addressing unacceptable behavior.  It can also be better for your child.  If your child is very upset, she/he may be unable to comprehend what you are saying.  It is actually more effective to wait until your child is calm to discuss the behavior.

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know at the end of this series (December 2010).

If you are working on your dossier please take note:

I have completely revised the dossier checklist and I think it will be much more helpful.  Please take a moment to go to your MyFTIA account and click on Dossier Guide, Flowchart and Checklist and then click on Checklist for Married Couples.  I am trying to simplify documents and guides based on your input.  Your feedback is important for future adoptive families and I am happy to hear any suggestions you have.

Have a great day!

Salome

Happy Monday!


Although we are just a few hours into the new week, I am happy to share that we recieved updates on children for three families in process over the weekend and I have forwarded those updates on to the families.  It is nice to start the week with a little activity. 


Also, I forgot to share last week's post on Ten Things Adopptive Parents Should Know.

The concept for week #3 is Emotional Joining.  Emotional joining………..being happy, sad, angry with the child in his or her feelings.  This is labeling feelings aloud.  Be happy with the child -  not just for him.  Be sad with your child - not just for him.  An example of how you might do this is when your child expresses sadness over not being included in a game at school; you might say “That makes me sad for you too.”  “I bet you felt really bad when that happened”.  Use this opportunity to name the feelings that are associated with the experience (sad, a bit mad, lonely, etc.). This is especially important for children who are not able to identify emotions well and for young children to help them understand what they are feeling. Don’t forget to share solutions or ideas about how to handle the situation, should it arise again.

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know at the end of this series.

Have a great week!

 

Salome LaMarche

Director of Programs