Conference Call on Monday, December 27at 7:00 Central Time

Happy Holidays!

Although I am not in the office next week, I plan to conduct our conference call on Monday as planned.  We will have to limit this call to 30 minutes because I have a call planned with Nepal families at 7:30.  I hope to have some updates to share Monday evening regarding court dates and/or Embassy appointments.  Of course, the families involved will receive personal notification before the call but I will share the general news with the group.

To join the call, dial 1-800-944-8766 and enter the code 39085.

Have a Merry Christmas!

Salome LaMarche

Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know -Post # 10

This is the final post in the ten week series of  Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know, which was developed by Richard Sudsberry, MA, LMFT, LMHC, who is a clinician specializing in attachment and children.  As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar on January 6^th, 2011 entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know.  Registration is limited and the invitation to register will be coming by email early next week.

The last concept is Playfulness.  Be an interesting parent.  Playfulness fosters innocence, innocence fosters vulnerability, and vulnerability fosters emotional regulation and cooperation in relationships.  The holidays present a perfect time for playfulness.  Enjoy the snow, time with family, and the joy this season brings.

We hope you will join us for the webinar!

Happy Holidays!

 

Ethiopia Adoptions In the News

Please follow the link below to view an article regarding adoption from Ethiopia.  There has been a lot of discussion recently around the concern that adoptions in Ethiopia be processed ethically and with the best interest of the children in mind.  Some cases are facing increased scrutiny by the US Embassy.  So far, FTIA has not experienced any delays and are hoping that trend will continue.

As we know more, we will certainly pass the news along to you.

http://www.voanews.com/english/news/Under-Pressure-Ethiopia-Plans-Crackdown-on-Baby-Business-111848424.html


Salome

Ten Things Adoptive Parents Should Know -- Post # 9

The concept for week 9 is to Provide lots of structure and nurturing.  Define roles in parent responses.  For example – “My job as your mother is to……. and your job is to……..” Children from difficult places need calm, secure rules (both formal and informal), role definitions, their unacceptable behavior to be stopped, an invitation for your child to experience things he/she finds challenging. Nurturing will include lots of rocking, holding, snuggling, healthy touches, positive eye contact, perhaps co-sleeping with young children, and using an article of clothing as a transition object.  65% of all interaction is social/emotional!

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar on January 6^th, 2011 entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know.  Registration information to come.

1st Court Date and Tonight's Conference Call

Hello!

I am happy to share that all three families with recent court dates have now passed court.  Now they can relax knowing that they will soon be bringing their child home.

We'll have our conference call tonight at 7pm.  To join, you can call 800-944-8766 and enter the code 39085 when prompted.

Ethipia Update

Greetings,

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving.  A few of you were busy preparing for your first trip and your court date.  I can confirm that one family has passed court and two more have court dates very soon.  We are hoping for the same good news for those families. 

Two families with referrals are anxiously awaiting their first updates and news of court hearing.  The first month or so after a referral can be very hard to bare because there is so little information.  Rest assured that the team in Ethiopia is diligently working to move your case forward, there simply isn't much to report in the beginning.

We'll have our conference call on Monday evening, December 6th at 7 pm.  To join, call 1-800-944-8766 and enter participant code 39085 when prompted.

Have a great weekend!

Salome LaMarche

Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know Post #8

The concept for week #8 is the understanding that for children from difficult places, we need to see resistance, aggression, attention needing behaviors, and compulsive actions and attitudes as stress or fear states – NOT MISBEHAVIORS. The understanding is larger than the expectations.  Children need lots of empathy and compassion about fears.  We need to acknowledge and accept fears, don’t dismiss them.  Help your child take small steps at facing their fears over time.  Children from difficult places need parent acceptance of feelings in the face of what makes them fearful…often masked as hurt (withdrawal), anger (aggression) or anxiety (compulsive) behaviors.

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know at the end of this series (January 2010).

10 Things Adoptive Parents Need to Kow - Post #7

I really like the concept for week 7.  Celebrate for who the child is and what he/she does. Try to create 20 celebrations for each criticism.  Celebrate the child for what he/she does right.  Some days that may mean you will need to really look for those things and even celebrate the small stuff.  The celebrations might include high fives, knuckle bumps, hugs, or affirming touches that matures affection, adult to child.  You may even make a celebration day that includes going to get ice cream because “You are such an amazing kid.”

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know at the end of this series (January 2010).

Delivering Hope

Hi again,

Please take a moment to check out Delivering Hope's blog.  You will find their logo, which is a link to their blog, on the right hand side of your screen.  Delivering Hope Inc. is a nonprofit organization started by 2 FTIA adoptive families, Jaime & Drew Willison-Glandon and William and Gretchen Almquist. 

We think you will be excited to see what they are doing and how you can help!
Salome

Ethiopia Update

Greetings FTIA Ethiopia Families,

First, I'd like to apologize for my lack of communication this week.  It has been a hectic week and it has been hard to find a spare moment. 

We continue to have 6 children in process with 5 families.  We have three families that will be appearing in court in Addis Abbaba in the next few weeks.  We are anxious to hear about their experiences.  For those of you who are planning a trip, I would like to have a travel conference call on Tuesday, November 23rd at 7 pm Central Time.  If you have already traveled to Ethiopia and would like to join the call, we would love to have you!

We also have our regularly scheduled conference call on Monday, Nov. 22nd at 7 pm Central Time.  You will use the following instructions for both calls.

Dial 1-800-944-8766 and, when prompted, enter code 39085.

If you have not joined the Monday call, we hope you will consider calling in this Monday.  It has been a great opportunity to ask questions and learn from the experiences of other adoptive families. 

FTIA's offices are closed Weds through Friday of next week so there will not likely be any blog or yahoo posts, unless there is something to report from on conference call on Monday evening.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Salome LaMarche

Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know - Week # 6

On week #6 - we focus on Developing rituals that organize meaning for the child:

1.      Greet your child into the day.  For example, when waking your child in the morning you might say “I can’t wait to see your beautiful brown eyes open!”

2.      Spend time in their world of play.  As mentioned in previous weeks, it is important to spend at least 30 minutes each day playing with your child.

3.      Create calming, soothing rituals that relax them into sleep. Depending on your child’s age, this might mean reading a book, giving a lotion massage, talking about the day’s events, snuggling while listening to music.  Whatever the routine, it should be consistent and calming.

This concept is giving attention to the child on the parent’s terms…greeting the child into the day, narrowing the child’s world to what they can handle, developing rituals of experience that help the child anticipate parents, and learn to perceive themselves through parent perceptions.

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know at the end of this series (December 2010).

Ten Things Adoptive Parents Should Know: Week 5

The concept for week five is to allow your child to experience consequences. This means consequences not punishments….consequences that are congruent with the child’s actions.  Help your child face the results of the actions (cause and effect thinking), all the while maintaining a loving acceptance of the child.  Come along side of your child with perspective and use it as a teachable moment.  For example, if your child forgets his home work at school, you might retrieve it the first time and explain what might have happened if the home work wasn’t retrieved.  This gives the child a chance to think about the consequences.  If the child forgets the homework a second time, perhaps you don’t retrieve the homework from school and have her/him face the consequences for the action. “Cause and effect” thinking is a great concept to teach children at an early age – as it is something we use all day, every day.

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know at the end of this series (December 2010).

 

Notes From Our Conference Call

The Ethiopia conference call last night was productive and therapeutic, as usual.  We are having some great discussions and getting lots of questions answered.  I will share below some topics that we discussed on last nights call. 

After a referral is received and accepted you should receive updated assessments on your child every 4-6 weeks.  As a result of the call, I have put together a sample report that will be posted to MyFTIA under Country Specific Critical Information.  It should be up and ready by the end of the week.  I know you are all curious to see what the information will look like.

Also discussed were donations for the orphanage.  Although many of you have many great ideas, I went back to my notes and emails to see what has been specifically requested by the orphanage.  At this time, they are asking for clothing, shoes and educational materials.  If you take items such as these that are basic needs for any child, you really can't go wrong.

We'll also be sharing more very soon about an option to obtain a video that contains details about your child's family and the circumstances surrounding the adoption.  This video would not be available until after you finalize the adoption but will be a great source of information for your child one day.  We hope to incorporate this into our program very soon but have a few details to work out first.  We'll be in touch with more details soon.

Since it seems that many of you are unable to participate on Monday evenings, I am considering hosting a second conference call every two weeks during the day.  If you think that a daytime call would be more convenient for you and that you would like to participate, please let me know and I will schedule a day time conference call.

Have a great day!

Salome LaMarche
Director of Programs

A couple of reminders...

Hi Everyone,

Don't forget our bi-weekly conference call on Monday, November 8th at 7pm.  You can join the call by dialing 1-800-944-8766 and entering the code 39085 when prompted.

As you share information regarding the specific cases with one another, remember that you should not be sharing the information publicly or posting identifying information regarding any one's process.  Ethiopia is very strict about information that is shared on the Internet.  Although the yahoo group is a private group, the information could potentially be shared outside of the group and would then be a breech of privacy.

We appreciate your discretion as we support each other through this process.

I hope to talk with you on Monday!

Salome

Ten Things Adoptive Parents Should Know: Week 4

It is important to Keep perspective beyond the child’s difficult moments -  Perceiving the mind of the child within and beyond the child’s behavior.  Only give a 30 to 60 second lecture (we generally lose their attention after that)…..addressing unacceptable behavior, stopping it, and providing acceptance beyond correction.  This sounds so simple, but can be very difficult to follow through with.  It may take some practice. 

Sometimes, it is best for Mom or Dad to take time and think before addressing unacceptable behavior.  It can also be better for your child.  If your child is very upset, she/he may be unable to comprehend what you are saying.  It is actually more effective to wait until your child is calm to discuss the behavior.

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know at the end of this series (December 2010).

If you are working on your dossier please take note:

I have completely revised the dossier checklist and I think it will be much more helpful.  Please take a moment to go to your MyFTIA account and click on Dossier Guide, Flowchart and Checklist and then click on Checklist for Married Couples.  I am trying to simplify documents and guides based on your input.  Your feedback is important for future adoptive families and I am happy to hear any suggestions you have.

Have a great day!

Salome

Happy Monday!


Although we are just a few hours into the new week, I am happy to share that we recieved updates on children for three families in process over the weekend and I have forwarded those updates on to the families.  It is nice to start the week with a little activity. 


Also, I forgot to share last week's post on Ten Things Adopptive Parents Should Know.

The concept for week #3 is Emotional Joining.  Emotional joining………..being happy, sad, angry with the child in his or her feelings.  This is labeling feelings aloud.  Be happy with the child -  not just for him.  Be sad with your child - not just for him.  An example of how you might do this is when your child expresses sadness over not being included in a game at school; you might say “That makes me sad for you too.”  “I bet you felt really bad when that happened”.  Use this opportunity to name the feelings that are associated with the experience (sad, a bit mad, lonely, etc.). This is especially important for children who are not able to identify emotions well and for young children to help them understand what they are feeling. Don’t forget to share solutions or ideas about how to handle the situation, should it arise again.

If you have any questions about the concepts presented or would like to talk in more detail please contact cscheller@ftia.org.   As a reminder, we will be hosting a webinar entitled Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know at the end of this series.

Have a great week!

 

Salome LaMarche

Director of Programs

Hi!

I'm sorry I have not posted more frequently this week.  We had a great conference call on Monday night.  Although it may not seem crucial for you to participate, I encourage you to do so.  It seems that the call has been of comfort for those participating.  It is nice to hear the voice of other parents in your specific situation.  It is also a great time to to ask questions and learn from the questions asked by others. 

As we discussed last week we received two referrals at the beginning of last week, a boy and a girl.  We also have three families preparing for for their first trip in late November and early December.  For those families that just received referrals, we anticipate that their first tirp will be in January.  Normally, we might expect it to happen a bit quicker but since we are just coming out the the court holiday and going into Christmas, we exptect the process to move a little slower than usual.

For those of you preparing to take your children trick or treeting this weekent, we's like to share the following link to information regarding Holloween Safety Tips.

http://www.iyi.org/resources/doc/Peyton-Manning-Childrens-Hospital-Halloween-Safety-Tips.pdf

 

Have a great weekend!

 

Salome LaMarche

Director of Programs

Don't forget our bi-weely conference call on Monday!

On Monday at 7:00 pm central time, we will have our bi-weekly Ethiopia Conference Call (For FTIA Ethiopia Families Only).  If you have any specific topics you would like to discuss, please send me an email at slamarche@ftia.org. You can ask questions on the call but if you let me know in advance I can research the question, if necessary.

To join the call dial 800-944-8766 and, when prompted, enter the following:  39085.

Talk to you on Monday!

Salome LaMarche
Director of Programs
Families Thru International Adoption

Concept #2 Attunement

This week we introduce Concept #2 Attunement – Parents setting their feelings and reactions aside, to perceive the child’s behavior through the child’s eyes.  Parents should try to state the child’s needs to him/her without judgment, but with perspective.  A common example of this might be when your child wants your attention and may engage in behavior to get your attention, such as hitting, interrupting a conversation, or intentionally doing something that is not acceptable. In this case, an example of attunement may be to say to your child, “I think you need me to…..” rather than saying “You know you are not supposed to interrupt when I’m talking”.  We want to recognize and acknowledge the child’s needs, not focus on the behavior.  This can be especially challenging for parents.  Put this concept to work this week and see what type of response you get from your child!

 

Good News to Share!!

I am happy to share that two families were matched with children this week.  One boy and one girl!  We are so happy for them and will let them share the details personally.  We also received notice of another court date set for December.  So, we have three families with court dates towards the end of the year.  After the lull of the summer it is wonderful to see some positive movement!

For those of you anxiously waiting to be matched, be patient and stay positive.  It  will happen for you when the time is right.

For those of you that are home with your child, please send me a photo so that we can offer your child a special "Shout Out" on our blog (we can also post a shout out to a big or little brother or sister!  They deserve recognition as well.

Have a Great Day!

Salome LaMarche
FTIA Director of Programs

Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know

Over the next ten weeks, we will be sharing the Ten Things Adoptive Parents Need to Know, which was developed by Richard Sudsberry, MA, LMFT, LMHC, who is a clinician specializing in attachment and children.  At the conclusion of these ten weeks, Rick will host a webinar for our families to answer questions and have more in-depth discussion about the ideas or concepts that we have shared.  All of these issues focus on intentional logics to reduce fear, regulate, distract, and mature children over time.  Love replaces fear, fear cannot reduce fear in a child’s mind, only love can!

This week we begin with Concept #1 – Spend time in your child’s world.  Your child wants and needs time with you each day, where you are “in their world’ by playing, sitting on the floor, and involving them in home based activities.  Minimally, we think parents should spend at least 30 minutes daily. Of course, more is better! If you have more than one child, this time, ideally, should be individual with each child. Some ideas of things you might do with your child are:

Puzzles/or books by having your child on your lap

Play on the floor with toys

Blow bubbles

Mimic facial expressions

Fix one another’s hair

For older children, you may want to simply sit and talk

Make a dessert or meal together

It would be good to have your child give you ideas about what he/she would like to do with their “mommy time” or “daddy time”.  You will be surprised how quickly ideas emerge and how excited your child will be!

Hello Again,

In our conference call on Monday evening, a few items came up that needed a little follow up.  I will update our literature to be sure this information is clearly stated but I have also provided the information for you below.

Regarding the process of receiving for a referral and waiting to travel:

Although I am aware that you are all anxious to know when the next referral may come I really cannot give you an estimate.  Some of you have asked how many referrals we receive per month.  I really can’t put a number to each month because there really is no “system” for assigning referrals.  The referral process begins when a child is relinquished and the paperwork finalized that matches the age/gender/health preference of a particular family. Some months we may receive several referrals and then we may have 2-3 months without any referrals.  I wish I could predict but it would merely be a guess and to guess would be a disservice to you.  I can tell you that the family that has waiting the longest for a boy submitted their dossier in early May of 2010 and the family that has been waiting the longest for a girl has been waiting since mid May of 2010.  I hope this is helpful.

In most cases, after being matched with a family and the family accepts the referral, the children are moved to the transition home in Addis Ababa.  Some orphanages move the children prior to the referral.  Shalom typically moves them after referral.

Updates on the children should be received monthly after the referral for children 0-2 years and every other month for older children.  Of course, things can happen to cause delays in getting the updates (holidays, vacations, etc).

Regarding Your First Trip to Ethiopia:

On this trip all that is needed from you is your presence.  The paperwork needed for the court process is already in Ethiopia.  All you need to do to prepare for this trip is pack and make your travel arrangements.  Right now the trip is planned for 3-4 days.  No tours or shopping trips are planned during your first trip.  The Team in Ethiopia is still scheduling those items on the 2^nd trip.  However, if you would like to plan some side trips while on your first trip, the Guest House staff can certainly help you arrange a trip.

While on your first trip, you will be able to see the child once a day for about 1 ½ hours.  This time will be in the morning or afternoon but you will not likely know which until you arrive.  It will depend on the schedule of the orphanage and the staff working that particular day.

Thanks so much for sharing your specific questions with me.  It is helpful for me to know exactly what your questions are so I can incorporate the answers into our literature.

Our next conference call is planned for Monday, October 25, 2010 at 7 pm central time.  Everyone can call in at 7 pm.  We will not be scheduling specific times for specific stages of the process.   The call seemed to flow better with families in all stages of the process on the call at the same time.  This call is open to FTIA Adoptive Families only.  A few days before the call, I will send you an email reminder that will include the phone number and conference code. 

As you prepare to bring a child into your home, we would like to share with you a resource that we think will be helpful.  

Dr. Dana Johnson is presenting a webinar,

Food For Thought: The impact of poor nutrition in early development.
Tips and insights for adoptive parents to help children catch up and thrive.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010;
7:00 - 8:00 PM Central Time

Optional Q&A with Dr. Johnson
8:00 - 8:30 PM Central Time

Fee: $15.00

To Register:  http://www.adoptionlearningpartners.org/nutrition_webinar.cfm

Thanks and have a great day!

Salome LaMarche
Director of Programs
Families Thru International Adoption
slamarche@ftia.org

Welcome to the FTIA Ethiopia Blog

Greetings!  We are excited to be starting our FTIA Ethiopia Blog.  We hope that this blog will help us to keep you informed and up-to-date on the latest information about our Ethiopia Program.  Please check back soon for a more detailed post.